Oct 15 2013

BOOTCAMP?………….Melbourne, Adelaide, London

Category: TrainingRichard Crosby @ 11:13 am

mieandmeNow, you may be considering taking a bootcamp. If so, read this first. Then check out the bootcamps page, for details of our upcoming Melbourne Bootcamp if you are in Australia, or our London Bootcamp if you are in Europe.

When guys take a bootcamp, they usually want to learn how to attract women. However, we always ask them before the bootcamp to tell us specifically what they want to achieve. The answer we want to hear is what actual results they want. What they often begin to tell us, is the list of skills they want to learn, and they list the skills that they think will help them to get the girl. When this happens, we have to stop them, and tell them we want to hear what they want to achieve, but do not want to hear how they expect to get there.

Doctors get frustrated when a patient shows up and tells them:

1. What is wrong with them.

2. What cure (prescription) they want.

The doctor is expert at first diagnosing and then treating medical issues. However, often the layman makes the mistake of seeing one symptom, and assuming they know what their problem is. The doctor will know to dig deeper, as one symptom could be caused by many different illnesses. If you jump to conclusions about which illness is at the root of it, the prescription will be wrong. It is for this reason that expert help is useful. When you know a topic inside out you can more accurately identify the problem, and therefore come to a more useful conclusion about the best solution to the problem.

All we need to know is what you want to achieve. We will be able to tell you the best route for you to take. Leave that bit to us.

Recently I had a guy take a bootcamp, and he told me that he needed to know how to build rapport with a girl. I explained to him that he was wrong. He already knew exactly how to do it, because he could do it consistently with men, in a way that would work just fine with women. What he had to get over was his reluctance to initiate a conversation with women, because once he was there, he would do well. Part of the solution for him to get rid of the anxiety that caused his reluctance was to stop telling himself that he needed to learn how to build rapport. He was attaching fear and anxiety to this story he was telling himself, even though the story was fictional! On the bootcamp this guy took several phone numbers, and kissed a girl that he very nearly took home there and then. Just as I had told him, he had no problem at all building rapport.

One of the things we will do on a bootcamp is tell you that you are wrong. We will do it repeatedly, until you stop doing the things that are preventing you from succeeding. Very often it is false ideas or negative stories that hold you back. When you identify them and clear them from your head, you will start to get what you want. However, this is only half the story.

The other half, is that your beliefs do not really matter as much as what you do. You can have doubts and fears, but if you act in spite of them, to follow a productive course of action, you will often get what you want anyway. Sometimes conditioning someone to do the right thing in the heat of the moment is far more productive, and faster, than challenging deep seated beliefs. The funny thing is, when they see results that their beliefs cannot explain, the beliefs that hold them back go away all by themselves.

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Oct 01 2013

Audacity, capacity and tenacity. (ACT).

Category: Principles of AttractionRichard Crosby @ 8:37 pm

female-rock-climberToday I went climbing with some rather wonderful people I haven’t known very long. I met them as a direct result of the fact I have made myself into a friendly and sociable person, despite the fact I was once shy. The same skills that help you get girls, or attract the woman you want, will bring you friends too.

On bootcamps I use a tool which I call the “Violence Triangle”, to explain how to succeed at anything, and specifically how to get the girl. It is just a tool to aid understanding, which some people find useful. Its strange name comes from the fact it is something I use when I teach self-defence. The violence triangle is a lot like the fire triangle you may have been taught during fire safety lessons. Just as a fire needs oxygen, heat and fuel in order to exist, someone who chooses to be violent must have the ingredients of skill, will, and opportunity. The truth is, we need those ingredients in order to succeed at anything we attempt, and that includes getting the girl. A man could be attractive and socially skilled, but if he never mixes with women, he can never meet a special girl because he lacks opportunity. A man could mix often with women, and initiate frequent conversations, but without sufficient social skill he will never attract the woman he wants. An attractive man could often frequent places where there are plenty of women, but without the will to interact, he will fail. This is a subject which can yield a lot of fruit when you examine it with a view to developing a deeper understanding so that you can gain insight that will help you move towards your objectives. It does not matter what they are, or if you consider yourself a PUA, or even if you are not interested in studying attraction. Today, I had an insight, which helped me see this from a different and potentially useful perspective.

I was pretty rubbish at climbing walls today. It is irrelevant. I noticed that there were times when I could not continue to move up, without making a sudden grab for a higher grip point. At these times, I could not reach slowly and deliberately – I had to give up a hold which was securing me to the wall in order to attempt to take a new hold. At these times, if I failed to take the new hold swiftly, I would fall off the wall. It was tempting to not attempt to take these new holds, but I quickly realised that if I did that I would be stuck where I was. I had to take a leap of faith and go for it. Of course, there was a risk I might fail, but without taking that risk, all I would have was a guarantee I would not succeed.

When I am teaching guys how to get the girl on bootcamps, I already talk about this phenomenon. To describe it, I use the term “kill shot“. I use that term, because it is like a sniper taking a shot at his target. He trains hard to improve his capacity (skill) to take a great shot when it counts. It might seem strange but this rigorous preparation will see him miss many times in training as he hones his ability. He works tenaciously to put himself in a great position on the battlefield to give him the best opportunity to make a telling shot. So too the expert climber will train tenaciously to improve his capacity to climb. Once the preparation is done, there will sometimes come a moment where you have to risk failure in order to have a shot at success. The sniper has no guarantee he will hit his target, but there comes a point when he has to pull the trigger if he wants to make the kill. The climber cannot be sure he will not lose his grip when he gives it up for the sake of progress.

Truvelo_Sniper_rifle_20x110_Hispano_South_Africa_001I noticed today that at these times when you just have to lunge for the next grip, that sometimes when you do it, it really doesn’t feel possible. Therefore it is natural to feel afraid because you think you will fail. This can be just the same for a guy approaching a girl he likes. You can be sure of one thing; failing to act will leave you with failure. This seems such a hard choice when the step you must take seems impossible itself. It occurred to me, that sometimes what you really need is a healthy dose of audacity. The will to take the shot that looks like it can’t work.  The thing is, when you take this shot, often it won’t work. However, by consistently trying, and not giving up, you build capacity. As you build capacity, you start to find that your audacity pays off more and more.

It does not really matter if you fall off a wall in a well-run climbing centre. Your bee layer will stop you from falling. It does not matter how many times you fall, as long as you don’t quit you can simply have another go. Over and over again, until one day, you don’t fall. It is the same thing with talking to girls. It does not really matter if it does not go how you planned the first time. You can try again. There is one thing that is important though. If you want to learn better social skills, you must not forget the importance of audacity. Without it, you might just always be stuck right where you are.

 

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