Oct 01 2013

Audacity, capacity and tenacity. (ACT).

Category: Principles of AttractionRichard Crosby @ 8:37 pm

female-rock-climberToday I went climbing with some rather wonderful people I haven’t known very long. I met them as a direct result of the fact I have made myself into a friendly and sociable person, despite the fact I was once shy. The same skills that help you get girls, or attract the woman you want, will bring you friends too.

On bootcamps I use a tool which I call the “Violence Triangle”, to explain how to succeed at anything, and specifically how to get the girl. It is just a tool to aid understanding, which some people find useful. Its strange name comes from the fact it is something I use when I teach self-defence. The violence triangle is a lot like the fire triangle you may have been taught during fire safety lessons. Just as a fire needs oxygen, heat and fuel in order to exist, someone who chooses to be violent must have the ingredients of skill, will, and opportunity. The truth is, we need those ingredients in order to succeed at anything we attempt, and that includes getting the girl. A man could be attractive and socially skilled, but if he never mixes with women, he can never meet a special girl because he lacks opportunity. A man could mix often with women, and initiate frequent conversations, but without sufficient social skill he will never attract the woman he wants. An attractive man could often frequent places where there are plenty of women, but without the will to interact, he will fail. This is a subject which can yield a lot of fruit when you examine it with a view to developing a deeper understanding so that you can gain insight that will help you move towards your objectives. It does not matter what they are, or if you consider yourself a PUA, or even if you are not interested in studying attraction. Today, I had an insight, which helped me see this from a different and potentially useful perspective.

I was pretty rubbish at climbing walls today. It is irrelevant. I noticed that there were times when I could not continue to move up, without making a sudden grab for a higher grip point. At these times, I could not reach slowly and deliberately – I had to give up a hold which was securing me to the wall in order to attempt to take a new hold. At these times, if I failed to take the new hold swiftly, I would fall off the wall. It was tempting to not attempt to take these new holds, but I quickly realised that if I did that I would be stuck where I was. I had to take a leap of faith and go for it. Of course, there was a risk I might fail, but without taking that risk, all I would have was a guarantee I would not succeed.

When I am teaching guys how to get the girl on bootcamps, I already talk about this phenomenon. To describe it, I use the term “kill shot“. I use that term, because it is like a sniper taking a shot at his target. He trains hard to improve his capacity (skill) to take a great shot when it counts. It might seem strange but this rigorous preparation will see him miss many times in training as he hones his ability. He works tenaciously to put himself in a great position on the battlefield to give him the best opportunity to make a telling shot. So too the expert climber will train tenaciously to improve his capacity to climb. Once the preparation is done, there will sometimes come a moment where you have to risk failure in order to have a shot at success. The sniper has no guarantee he will hit his target, but there comes a point when he has to pull the trigger if he wants to make the kill. The climber cannot be sure he will not lose his grip when he gives it up for the sake of progress.

Truvelo_Sniper_rifle_20x110_Hispano_South_Africa_001I noticed today that at these times when you just have to lunge for the next grip, that sometimes when you do it, it really doesn’t feel possible. Therefore it is natural to feel afraid because you think you will fail. This can be just the same for a guy approaching a girl he likes. You can be sure of one thing; failing to act will leave you with failure. This seems such a hard choice when the step you must take seems impossible itself. It occurred to me, that sometimes what you really need is a healthy dose of audacity. The will to take the shot that looks like it can’t work.  The thing is, when you take this shot, often it won’t work. However, by consistently trying, and not giving up, you build capacity. As you build capacity, you start to find that your audacity pays off more and more.

It does not really matter if you fall off a wall in a well-run climbing centre. Your bee layer will stop you from falling. It does not matter how many times you fall, as long as you don’t quit you can simply have another go. Over and over again, until one day, you don’t fall. It is the same thing with talking to girls. It does not really matter if it does not go how you planned the first time. You can try again. There is one thing that is important though. If you want to learn better social skills, you must not forget the importance of audacity. Without it, you might just always be stuck right where you are.


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